


come on baby play me like a love song

by heklin



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Almost smut?, Big feelings, Crying, Friends With Benefits, Jared has two moms, Kissing, M/M, and a cat, and feelings, boys being dumb and awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 20:43:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14922521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heklin/pseuds/heklin
Summary: “Have you ever done—have you ever had sex before?” Evan gets out in a rush, voice going all rough towards the end like it does when he’s feeling particularly anxious. And then he shuts his eyes and breathes in and out of his nose, once, twice, three times.“Uh,” Jared says slowly. He considers turning this into a joke, replying with something like, "yeah, loads of times. With your mom." But it’s late, and that hurt look Evan gets on his face when Jared doesn’t take him seriously? That look genuinely haunts him sometimes. “No,” he says instead. “Why?”





	come on baby play me like a love song

“Voila,” Jared says after gluing down the last of the photos onto the poster board.

He and Evan are _finally_ finished with their Spanish project. It took them almost two weeks just to get all the research and shit done for it, and then another few days to put everything together. Today was their last day of school before spring break, so they’ll turn it in when they go back next week. Evan was adamant about finishing it early, insisting that _you’re not going to want to do homework over the break, Jared._

Every day, Jared regrets letting Evan convince him to take Spanish III. Firstly because their school only requires two years of a foreign language, so Jared could be chilling in some blow off class right now instead of studying for hours and hours and wanting to rip his hair out over verb tenses. And secondly because being in Spanish III means seeing Evan constantly. They share a third and fourth period, _and_ Evan comes over for dinner all the time under the guise of “studying together”—though Jared knows the real reason behind it is that Evan hates being home alone. They usually end up playing Mario Kart (which Evan is _shockingly_ good at) or some other video game for a few hours and then they go downstairs to have a wholesome meal with Jared’s moms, and then Evan goes home before ten. It’s become routine, sort of.

Anyways, Spanish III means hanging out with Evan a lot, which in turn means that Jared basically has butterflies in his stomach all the time.

He used to be good at suppressing his feelings for Evan. Not so much anymore.

“‘Voila’?” says Evan, smiling a little.

Jared pushes the poster board as far away from himself as possible, so that it slides across the hardwood and hits Evan on the knee. “My moms are asleep,” he says, raising an eyebrow suggestively. “Wanna raid the liquor cabinet? And by raid, I mean sneak like half a cup of shitty wine each, because it may be a Friday night and the beginning of spring break but I’m not feeling _that_ risky.”

“I think you already know my answer to that,” Evan says. He gathers all the scraps of paper from the floor and then gets up to put them in the recycling basket under Jared’s desk. When he’s done, he stands there with his shoulders hunched, fidgeting. “But I wouldn’t say no to a movie?”

Jared has known Evan for years now, so he knows that this—Evan proposing his own idea—is kind of a big deal. It means he’s comfortable enough around Jared to suggest what he actually wants to do.

“Sure,” Jared says, resisting the urge to smile giddily. He’s not sure he succeeds that well, because Evan is giving him a strange look as he sets up Netflix.

They sit on the floor and watch a documentary about UFO sightings, backs against Jared’s bedframe and shoulders pressed together. The laptop rests half in Jared’s lap and half in Evan’s. Jared’s cat, Angel, roams around as she pleases for a while before deciding on curling up next to Evan. She purrs happily when he pets her, and Jared watches out of the corner of his eye, chest expanding with fondness.

Usually when they watch TV together, Evan talks—or babbles, more like—and asks questions and then apologizes all throughout, but tonight he’s uncharacteristically silent. He scratches Angel behind the ears and picks at the hem of his shirt and bites his nails and squirms until Jared finally sighs and clicks pause.

“What’s wrong with you?” He asks. It comes out harsher than he intends, and Evan visibly winces.

“Nothing, I’m just...thinking.”

“Thinking,” Jared echoes. “Care to enlighten me with these thoughts that have you ruining a perfectly good documentary for me?”

“Sorry,” Evan says, looking down at his hands. “Just, do you—I mean have you ever, um—”

Jared sets the laptop aside and scoots away from Evan so that he can face him properly. He hates when Evan gets like this, all stuttery and anxious and unsure of himself. He always wants to do something stupid when it happens—like wrap his arms around Evan and squeeze him until he chills the fuck out. Or at the very least, tell Evan that he’s not going to judge him, no matter what he ends up saying.

Yeah. Stupid.

“Have you ever done—have you ever had sex before?” Evan gets out in a rush, voice going all rough towards the end like it does when he’s feeling particularly anxious. And then he shuts his eyes and breathes in and out of his nose, once, twice, three times.

“Uh,” Jared says slowly. He considers turning this into a joke, replying with something like, _yeah, loads of times. With your mom._ But it’s late, and that hurt look Evan gets on his face when Jared doesn’t take him seriously? That look genuinely haunts him sometimes. “No,” he says instead. “Why?”

“I just keep thinking about how I’m only a few months away from being a senior and it’s kind of super lame that I haven’t done anything with anybody, like, I’m seventeen and I haven’t even— _kissed_ anyone. But you just said you’re not—that you haven’t either, so just, oh my god I’ll stop talking now, it doesn’t even matter anyway, I’m sorry.”

Jared takes a few seconds to process that. “Well, do you _want_ to have sex with someone?”

Evan blushes all the way to the tips of his ears. It’s really, really cute. “I mean, yeah? I don’t wanna graduate a virgin...but it’s not like anyone would ever even want to—with _me—_ ” He cuts himself off with a self deprecating kind of laugh.

Jared immediately feels a surge of _something_ towards him. And then, as soon as the idea enters his mind, he says with practiced nonchalance, “I’d be down.”

“What?”

“Like, I also don’t want to leave high school as a virgin, so.”

Evan shakes his head in confusion.

Jared sighs. “Jesus, dude, I’m saying we could try it. You and me. If you want.”

“Try…” Evan’s eyes go wide, and then his cheeks somehow turn even redder. “That’s not funny, Jared.”

Jared ignores the self consciousness and embarrassment rising in his chest and squares his shoulders. Lifts his chin. _Fake confidence long enough, and people will think you’re a confident person._  “I’m serious.”

Evan stares at him for a long moment, and then just says, “ _What_?”

“Hey, you’re the one who brought it up!”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I just—" Evan wrings his hands. “You’re actually serious?”

 _Are you actually_ considering _it?_ “Yeah.”

“If you’re messing with me, that’s really—not cool.”

“I’m _not_ messing with you, oh my god,” Jared mutters. He feels kind of guilty for all the things he’s done in the past that have led Evan to doubt him. “It’s literally a win-win for both of us. Plus first times are usually really awkward, so there’s the added benefit, which is that we’ve known each other for so long that it won’t be weird.”

“Isn’t that why it _would_ be weird?” Evan asks, skeptical.

He has a point, but Jared rolls his eyes instead of letting him know that. “It doesn’t have to be.”

There’s a few seconds of silence.

And then Evan sort of shrugs so that his shoulders reach his ears, looks Jared in the eye, and says quietly, “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jared asks, heart hammering. “As in yes?”

Evan nods, then adds quickly, “But—you didn’t mean _now,_ right?”

Jared laughs. “No, dude.”

“Okay, as long as it’s not today, then yeah, yes,” Evan says, laughing a little as well. Angel hops up onto his lap, and he looks down at her and grins wide. “No offense, it’s just that I’m not mentally prepared enough yet? And there’s the fact that your moms are home, so...”

“Yeah, no, we can plan it out later, don’t worry,” Jared tells him. He drags the laptop back towards them. “Right now let’s finish this documentary before you fall asleep and start drooling all over yourself.”

“That was _one_ time, and I was _not_ drooling!” Evan says indignantly.

Jared snorts and hits play.

 

-

 

**To: Evan**

you left your pencil bag here

 

**From: Evan**

sorry sjsjdh can you bring it next time I see you?

or jsut keep it safe till the next time I come over?

 

**To: Evan**

no promises

 

**From: Evan**

Jared

 

**To: Evan**

im just saying...angel really loves that pencil bag....who knows if it’ll survive the weekend

 

**From: Evan**

Jared no!!

 

**To: Evan**

[eye roll emoji] [eye roll emoji] fine ill keep her away i guess

 

**From: Evan**

:-) thank you

hey, about last night?

 

**To: Evan**

before u ask for the Millionth time, yes, i was serious

but we obviously don’t have to do anything if u don’t want to

 

**From: Evan**

no, I do!!

want to

I mwan I want to do that. with you. yes

sorry

I was going to ask when? since you said we could plan it out latwr and stuff

 

**To: Evan**

is wednesday enough time for u 2 mentally prepare urself? moms will b gone

 

**From: Evan**

Wednesday is fine!! cool!

 

**To: Evan**

[finger gun emoji] [smirking emoji] [finger gun emoji]

 

-

  
On Wednesday, Evan shows up about twenty minutes earlier than scheduled. He’s wearing an open button-down over what looks like his Science Olympiad shirt from middle school, and he’s already blushing before either of them have even said a word to each other.

“Nice shirt,” Jared says by way of greeting.

Evan lets out a breath and glances down at himself with a laugh. “Thanks, um. Do you still have yours?”

“No,” Jared says slowly, motioning for Evan to come inside and closing the front door when he does. “Because like most people our age, I have _grown_ since the seventh grade. How do you still fit into that?”

“It was big on me back then,” Evan says kind of defensively, knotting his fingers into the bottom of the shirt and tugging it downwards. Jared fights the urge to reach out and pull his hands away.

“Okay,” he says as gently as he can, nodding. “Do you wanna go upstairs?”

Evan nods back, then stammers, “Um, to your—room?”

Jared snorts as he leads the way upstairs and down the hall. “Yes, to my room, unless you wanna do this in the middle of the living room and risk getting walked in on by my moms—”

“Your _moms are home_?” Evan hisses. When Jared turns around in his bedroom doorway, he’s delighted to see that Evan’s face has gone even redder.

“No, dude, oh my god. I told you this already. They’re visiting my granddad.” Jared, luckily, was given the option to not go. Obviously he’d pick staying home over having to make awkward small talk with his grandpa for two days straight. Jared likes having the house to himself. He can belt Adele as loudly and terribly as he wants, and there’s no one around to get on his case for eating frozen pizza three meals in a row.

“Oh, right. Sorry,” Evan says meekly.

Jared sits down on the edge of his bed and stares at him. And Evan just stands there, fidgeting and staring back with unbelievably wide eyes. And then he looks down at his feet, nods to himself, and closes the door behind him before crossing the room to sit next to Jared.

“So,” Jared starts awkwardly. It’s starting to hit him that they’re _possibly_ about to _actually maybe_ do this. Which is terrifying. And also really fucking awesome.

“Do we—do you wanna just—” Evan cuts himself off, screwing his eyes shut. When he opens them, he sort of squares his shoulders and then suddenly he’s _grabbing Jared’s arms_ and then _his mouth is on Jared’s._

It’s definitely not the best kiss in the world. It’s rushed and too open-mouthed and their teeth knock together almost painfully, and Evan immediately jerks away and starts apologizing.

“Oh my god, sorry, sorry,” he says earnestly, voice kind of loud. “I should have—that was so bad I’m so sorry, and my hands are probably so sweaty which, I tried to calm down and be cool and chill before I got here so that they wouldn’t be sweaty but they _are_ and I—”

“Your hands are fine,” Jared reassures him, rolling his eyes. He takes Evan’s hand and squeezes it, and then he kind of wants to die because of how cheesy or corny that is (and also because Evan’s hand is really soft).

Evan absolutely _beams_ at him. He’s blushing again.

Jared swallows hard. “Maybe we should come back to—” _Jesus christ this is so awkward._ “Kissing.”

“Okay.” Evan nods hard. Then his eyes widen and he covers his face with his hands. “Oh shit, I forgot about condoms. Oh my god. I was going to get some but I totally forgot.”

Jared snorts and reaches over to take the plastic bag out of his side table drawer, and then dumps the contents of it on his bed. A small box of condoms, along with a bottle of lube, sits there between them on the sheets. “Good thing I went to CVS last night,” he says. He seriously can’t imagine _Evan_ going to the store to buy condoms. He’d probably be overwhelmed by all the different types and have a panic attack in the middle of the aisle. Or he’d freak out once he made it to the cash register, because he’d be afraid the cashier was judging him.

He tells Evan this, and Evan bites his lip like he’s trying not to smile.

“Yeah, um, I was thinking of just taking some from the hospital when I visited my mom?” He says with a nervous laugh.

“Dude,” Jared grins.

Evan picks up the lube with shaky hands. “What? They have a bunch of bowls of them, like on some of the front desks and stuff.”

Jared follows Evan’s gaze to the bottle. “I don’t think we’re gonna, uh, like, go all the way,” he says, changing the subject awkwardly. _Probably just handjobs, which, oh my god. Handjobs with Evan._ “But it’s still good to be—”

“Prepared,” Evan finishes hastily.

“Yeah.”

“Um.” Evan turns the bottle over in his hands. “So...”

“Right,” Jared says. He takes his shirt off before he can overthink it, and then he's trying not to squirm because Evan’s just _staring_ at his bare torso and Jared is so incredibly self-conscious all of a sudden. He fights the urge to hunch in on himself or cross his arms. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." When Evan seems to snap out of it, eyes wide, Jared makes an annoyed sound. "Are you planning on taking your own shirt off anytime soon, or...”

Evan's eyes go even wider, somehow, and then he's stammering, "Sorry, sorry,” and he pulls his stupid Science Olympiad T-shirt over his head in a few awkward, jerky motions. Jared kind of has to help him, and he tries not to let his fondness show on his face as he does so, but Evan's letting out a laugh and Jared laughs too, involuntary, and now they're both shirtless and laughing in Jared's bed. The tension breaks, just a little.

Evan moves closer, hesitantly, so Jared closes the distance between them again and kisses him. It's definitely better than the previous kiss—it isn't over eager and their teeth don't clack together and Evan doesn't break away to ask about the sweatiness of his hands.

Jared reaches up and runs his fingers through Evan's hair like he's wanted to do for a very long time. It's just as soft as he thought it'd be, except there's one thing that he never could have imagined, not even in his wildest wet dreams—the _sound_ Evan makes when Jared tugs at his hair slightly. It's almost a whimper, and it should _definitely_ be illegal for anyone to sound like that. Jared is so fucking turned on and he thinks _holy shit_ and then _I want to hear that noise again_ and so he scratches his nails against Evan's scalp, just barely. Testing him. Teasing him.

The reaction he gets is unbelievable. Evan doesn't make the same sound again, but he grabs Jared's face and kisses him _deeper_ , with a new kind of confidence and desperation.

Confident is a word he's never used before to describe Evan. It's a word he never thought he _would_ use to describe Evan.

Jared can't fucking believe any of it. Who is this boy and what did he do with Evan Hansen?

They make out for a while, an amazing back and forth of Evan pushing Jared back into the pillows and then Jared pushing Evan the opposite way with all the force of his mouth and his hands, which are on Evan's chest now.

Evan has a light dusting of chest hair, and his shoulders are covered in freckles, to Jared’s total delight. He has a bit of pudge around his middle—he’s not as chubby as Jared, but it’s still kind of reassuring to see. To feel. Jared brushes his fingertips up and down Evan’s sides, reveling in the different ways Evan shivers and sighs.

Evan pulls back after a couple of minutes, resting his forehead against Jared's. He's breathing hard.

Jared opens his eyes—when did he close them? He doesn't remember closing them—and glances down and yep, holy shit, Evan has a pants tent to match his own. Holy _fucking_ shit.

That's when it hits him just how truly un-fucking-real this whole thing is. This is the worst decision Jared had ever made and he's going to regret it if it goes any further than this, because he's in love with Evan and if they do this there's no going back. There's no way it ends well.

What the hell was he thinking, agreeing to let Evan be his first time? What the hell was he thinking agreeing to let _himself_ be Evan's?

He has to stop this, he has to push Evan away, before it's too late.

But then Evan's mouth is on his again and then—and then—

And then Evan's hands are so _gentle_ as he goes to unbutton Jared's pants that Jared can't help the horrible, pathetic sound he lets out, a cross between a hiccup and a sob, and _oh fuck_ his eyes are welling up with tears. Evan pulls away and looks at him sharply, alarmed.

"What's—oh my god why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?”

Jared shakes his head frantically, and now the tears are escaping, running down his cheeks and into his mouth as he says, "This was a bad idea." And he's so embarrassed by the fact that he's _crying_ in front of Evan while shirtless, that he forgets to consider how that sentence would sound to a person with debilitating anxiety.

Evan's face just fucking falls, and he jumps backwards like he's been burned, and then he's getting up off the bed and stammering, "Oh, I'm—I mean right, sorry, because why would we—why would you want—" He stops and lets out that sad little self-deprecating laugh that makes Jared's heart break into a million little pieces. He's looking around frantically. His chest heaves. "Have you seen my—my—"

He's looking for his shirt. He's going to leave. Fuck.

“Right there,” Jared says, voice strained, pointing to the corner of the room. Evan nods hard and picks it up off the floor, where Jared had thrown it earlier. He has it—the stupid Science Olympiad shirt—and his button down in his hands and he’s fumbling to put them on, hands shaking hard, and Jared—

Jared remembers the countless misunderstandings they’ve had in the past, all the falling outs they’ve had, all the times he hated himself for fucking things up so badly that Evan couldn’t face him for days.

This isn’t like those times. It’s much bigger, somehow, and Jared has a feeling that if they don’t talk about this right away, then there’s not going to be anymore study sessions or movie nights or video games or long drives with Evan. Jared needs to suck it up and apologize and _explain_ himself because if he doesn’t, he’s going to lose his best friend.

(He might lose Evan anyways, after he says what he needs to say. But he can’t think about that.)

“Wait,” he says.

Evan, having finally gotten the T-shirt over his head and looking even more disheveled than before, hesitates near the door. He looks kind of like he’s trying not to cry. Jared can relate.

“I don’t want you to think that this is because you did something,” Jared says. “And it’s not for any other reason you’re probably thinking. It’s not you at all. I mean, fuck, it _is_ you, but not—” If he gets any more incoherent he’s going to turn into Evan. “I have a crush on you.”

“I—oh.” Evan is blinking a lot, and his brow is furrowed for a moment before understanding seems to dawn on his face, and his eyebrows shoot up. “ _Oh._ So what you meant—when you said this is a bad idea—?”

“Yeah.” Jared swallows hard. “I like you, and I have for a long time, and...I should have thought about that more before I agreed to, uh. Do this with you.”

And then, to Jared’s surprise—and annoyance, a little bit—Evan starts to laugh. He claps his hands over his mouth and practically doubles over. “Oh my god, Jared.”

“Fuck you,” Jared snaps automatically. He didn't exactly expect Evan to _reciprocate_ his feelings, because he _knows_ that’s ridiculous, and allowing himself to even daydream about that is dangerous territory. But he also didn’t think Evan would fucking _laugh_ at him.

Jared’s chin wobbles—a telltale sign that he’s about to cry again. Fuck.

Evan straightens up, hands covering his cheeks, and then he’s looking at Jared with something like—fondness? And moving to sit back down on the bed. “Don’t start crying again, please, I—” He reaches out like he’s going to touch Jared, but then he pauses. “Jared, dude, I like you _too._ ”

Jared promptly bursts into tears again. “ _What_?”

“I’ve had a crush on you since freshman year?” Evan says.

Jared almosts says _well I’ve liked you since middle school, so suck it_ but then he remembers it’s not a competition and _then_ he remembers that Evan fucking likes him _back._ “Oh my god.”

Evan’s face is all scrunched up like he’s trying not to smile. “Can I kiss you?”

Jared wipes his face quickly and nods, blinking fast, and then Evan is taking his face in his hands and kissing him soundly. He breaks away to laugh, and Jared follows, chasing his lips. He can feel Evan smiling against his mouth. Evan presses kisses to his cheek, his jaw, and back to the corner of his mouth, and then he pulls away again—this time to bury his head in Jared’s chest. Which is kind of weird, since Jared is still shirtless, but it’s okay. Jared sweeps his palms over Evan’s head, through his hair. He digs his fingers into the base of his skull until Evan squirms and laughs again.

 _I love you,_ Jared wants to say, but doesn’t, because it’s kind of too soon for that. Even though he’s liked Evan for years, they only just admitted to having _crushes_ on each other a few minutes ago. And Evan would probably freak out and try to leave again if Jared confessed his actual love to him right now, so yeah. Jared is going to keep his mouth shut.

For now, this is enough.

“Um,” Evan says, lifting his head to look at Jared properly. This close, Jared can see all the tiny details of color in his eyes, which have always just been brown to him. “Do you still want to—I mean now that we both know we like each other, you might want to take things slow, but do you still—”

“Do _you_ want to take things slow?” Jared asks.

Evan’s gaze flickers down Jared’s bare torso, and he blushes and swallows hard. _Holy shit,_ Jared thinks. “Um, honestly, not really, but if you want to then I’m totally cool with that and we can do this another time.”

Jared grins. “Get that shirt back off, Evan.”

**Author's Note:**

> angel the cat is in one of my other fics, and here she is, making another appearance! we love her
> 
> title from bloom by troye sivan because I couldn't think of anything else and it's been stuck in my head
> 
> thanks for reading this thing I wrote real quick last night and this morning because I couldn't get it out of my head!! please comment, leave kudos, and follow me on tumblr @jaredklein


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